Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face. You told me how proud you were but I walked away. If only I knew what I know today...

The day started with silence. No babies crying. No alarms going off. No headphones left in the night before. Just silence. Rosa rolled over and looked out her window, seeing the sun slowly emerging over the horizon. She sighed, knowing that in a few minutes she would have to get out of bed and head towards the clinic. But what was the point? Clara Kate wasn't going to be there, so there was no one to scold her. Plus, who cared about this shitty job anyways? Working for nothing wasn't worth it at all. Rosa thought it would be best if she just stayed in bed.

As if God decided to ruin the perfect silence, Rosa's phone started ringing. The number was unfamiliar, but she recognized the area code and decided to answer.

"Hello?"
"Rosa, baby."
"Mama?"
Rosalee was suddenly struck by a wave of guilt. She hadn't called her mother ever since the incident with James, and she knew something was wrong from the tone her mother was using.
"Mama? What's wrong?"
"Rosa... I-I'm-I'm sick, baby."
Tears started to form in Rosa's eyes as she realized how selfish she was. Her life was fine. She was just being greedy. But now her mother was sick and there was nothing she could do about it.
"Mommy? How sick are you?"
"The doctors say that I have pancreatic cancer."
"Mommy? How- I mean, what-"
Rosa couldn't even get a full sentence out before she just broke down.
"Now, Rosalee. You are not allowed to cry. If it's my time, then let God take me."
"Mama, how could you say that?"
"It's just the circle of life, baby."
"How long?"
"They say I have about three more months."
"Oh my God!"
More tears fell as Rosa cried harder than she had ever cried before.
"I don't understand! You're the healthiest person I know! They can't do this! They can't fucking do this!"
"Rosa, now don't you start that with me! You are young. You are beautiful, and you are strong! You knew this day was coming, baby. It was just a bit sooner."
"Just a bit sooner? Mama, it's way too soon! I can't take this! I-I-I'm coming home!"
"Rosa, you can't just leave your life!"
"Mommy, no matter what you say, I'm coming home. I have to see you!"

Two hours later, and after a long discussion about Rosa's mind not changing, she finally convinced her mom to stop being so stubborn and let her come home. Rosalee looked around her humble apartment. Castle Apartments had brought the best and worst for her, but now it was time to go home. Rosa grabbed everything she could fit in her weekender bag, not caring if it matched or was fashionable, and grabbed her keys. She headed out to the parking lot and got into the car she hadn't used the whole time she moved into Castle Apartments. The town was so small, so there really was no need. When she started the car and saw that the tank was still full, Rosa pulled out of the parking space, and drove out of town.
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Rosalee stood there beside the hospital bed holding her mother's hand. Her condition was so horrible it was scary, her face was so pale, you could see her bones, she could barely lift a finger…and she was in pain. Rosa's mother did a great job of hiding it, but Rosa knew her. Her mother was suffering, and she didn't deserve this. She didn't deserve getting cancer. She was a great woman; hyper and smart and funny and sweet. As Rosa thought of her mother's strength, her eyes opened.

"Rosa! I'm so glad you're here."
"Hey, Mommy."
"How are you doing, my baby?"
"Mom, you shouldn't be worried about me."
"Oh, sweetie. I'm alright."
Tears started forming again as Rosa realized the facade her mom was putting on.
"Rosa, what are you staring at?" she said weakly, snapping Rosa out of her reverie. Rosa looked down at her and smiled a little. Her mother was so fragile, it broke Rosa's heart.
"Nothing Mommy. Just thinking."
"'Bout what?"
"How strong you are, Mommy. You can't let yourself pretend to be something. I know you don't like to be considered weak, but you have to let me know how you really feel."
"Hey sweetie," she started, "I'm not pretending. I just don't want you fussing over me. You have your whole life ahead of you. Your life can't be wrapped around me."
As soon as she finished speaking, she winced.
"Hey, Mama. Are you okay? How are you feeling?"
"Great," she lied. Rosalee could see right through her now. She was in pain, but of course, she hated putting Rosa down.
"Be honest, Mama. Tell me what hurts."
Rosa's mother looked down. "Everything," she explained, while gasping for air. Rosa grabbed the breathing mask from beside her and placed it on her mother's face. She turned the machine on to stabilize her breathing. Nurses came in to check up on her. Their faces went pale.
"Her heart's giving out," one nurse said. Rosalee looked up at her. Her mother's eyes fluttered open and closed.
"No. No, not yet. Please tell me this isn't it! I-I just got here! You said three months!" Rosa looked back down at her mother who was losing and regaining consciousness.
"Ma'am, that was just a hypothesis. Pancreatic cancer is tricky. We never know what might happen!"
"No, this isn't happening. Not yet. Please!" Rosalee screamed at the nurse, but there was no use. Throughout the commotion, Rosa tried to get her mother's attention. She had a few more things to say to her. "Mommy? Mommy, can you hear me?" she whispered as the nurses frantically called for more help. Her eyes opened weakly, but Rosa could tell she already couldn't speak. "I love you, and I'm going to miss you, so much. I hate that this is goodbye, but I much rather you not be in pain anymore than to suffer through this another minute. Just don't fight. I know you're in pain, and I know you want to be here for me, but you can't be strong for me anymore. You're the bravest person I know, Mommy. And I love you for that. It's going to be hard, but I know that this was hard for you. I'm sorry I couldn't be the best daughter, but you were truly the best mother." Rosa kissed her mother's forehead as she gently hugged her. Rosa's mother's lips lifted slightly at the corners before she closed her eyes slowly. The monitor gradually slowed its beeping until it was a steady hum. Suddenly, the room was still. The nurses looked around, helpless and curious as to what Rosalee would do next. Rosa looked at the nurses, tears falling quickly down her face, and just sat down. She pulled her knees up to her chest as she rocked back and forth. One of the nurses came towards Rosa to comfort her, but Rosa just told them all to go. The nurse that tried to comfort Rosa pulled the sheet over Rosa's mother as she and the other nurses left. The day ended with silence.

Come out upon my seas, curse missed opportunities. Am I a part of the cure, or am I part of the disease?

I want to get awaaaaaay. I want to flyyyyyy awaaaaaaay. Yeeeeeeah Yeeeeeah Yeeeeah!


Rosa shifted in her bed, taking out her headphones. She was not ready to face the real world yet. She knew she had to go to work today. She knew Clara Kate would flip out if she realized Rosa's hair was fiery red instead of blonde like it was two days ago. But Rosa could care less. She felt free, something she hadn't felt in a long time. She felt that she was in control of her life. Not her pushy mother. Not her annoying and rude boss. And definitely not her crazy ex-boyfriend. She was happy that she could think about him without cringing. She was happy that she didn't automatically call her mother when she woke up. She was happy that she didn't freak out when she thought about being late to work. And that felt so damn good.

Skipping towards the bathroom, not caring if she disturbed the people downstairs, Rosa went to get ready for work. She showered, taking as long as she wanted to, and thought about what to wear. After brushing her teeth and hair, she pranced towards her closet, going through each piece of clothing analytically. Finally deciding on a white tank top and a black pencil skirt, Rosa got dressed, pulled on her thigh high tights and black heels, grabbed her blazer, and headed towards the Good Samaritan Clinic.

Not seeing Clara Kate right away, Rosalee made her way towards her desk, sitting down, pulling out The Count of Monte Cristo, and waited for her day to start.

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Rosa's day was uneventful, of course. She realized she had more fun having a psychotic breakdown on the roof rather than sitting at a desk, answering phone calls. Rosa was so tempted to quit, but realized that because the Clinic was her only source of income, she wasn't going to push it. Plus, Clara Kate was on edge today, popping so many pills it wasn't even funny. Rosa wondered if she should worry, but Clara Kate was a big girl, and it wasn't Rosa's problem. Rosa started walking home, bitter about her uneventful day. When she got into her apartment, she switched her heels for sneakers, and went back to the roof.

On the roof, Rosa grabbed her pack of cigarettes and her lighter, and smoked as she watched as the sunset quickly changed into a sky full of stars. She put her headphones in, and pressed the shuffle button.

Drink up baby doll
Are you in or are you out?
Leave your things behind
'Cause it's all going off without you
Excuse me too busy you're writing your tragedy
These mishaps
You bubble-wrap
When you've no idea what you're like
So, let go, let go
Jump in
Oh well, what you waiting for?
It's all right
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown
So, let go, let go
Just get in
Oh, it's so amazing here
It's all right
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown


As Frou Frou filled her head, Rosa lit another cigarette and felt tears starting to fall down her face. "How could my life come to this?" she thought. "I have no friends. My life is so boring. I'm only 23 years old. 23! And my life is complete shit."
Rosa stayed on the roof for a few more hours, wondering if she should go back home, as the air was filled with smoke and music....