The day started with silence. No babies crying. No alarms going off. No headphones left in the night before. Just silence. Rosa rolled over and looked out her window, seeing the sun slowly emerging over the horizon. She sighed, knowing that in a few minutes she would have to get out of bed and head towards the clinic. But what was the point? Clara Kate wasn't going to be there, so there was no one to scold her. Plus, who cared about this shitty job anyways? Working for nothing wasn't worth it at all. Rosa thought it would be best if she just stayed in bed.
As if God decided to ruin the perfect silence, Rosa's phone started ringing. The number was unfamiliar, but she recognized the area code and decided to answer.
"Hello?"
"Rosa, baby."
"Mama?"
Rosalee was suddenly struck by a wave of guilt. She hadn't called her mother ever since the incident with James, and she knew something was wrong from the tone her mother was using.
"Mama? What's wrong?"
"Rosa... I-I'm-I'm sick, baby."
Tears started to form in Rosa's eyes as she realized how selfish she was. Her life was fine. She was just being greedy. But now her mother was sick and there was nothing she could do about it.
"Mommy? How sick are you?"
"The doctors say that I have pancreatic cancer."
"Mommy? How- I mean, what-"
Rosa couldn't even get a full sentence out before she just broke down.
"Now, Rosalee. You are not allowed to cry. If it's my time, then let God take me."
"Mama, how could you say that?"
"It's just the circle of life, baby."
"How long?"
"They say I have about three more months."
"Oh my God!"
More tears fell as Rosa cried harder than she had ever cried before.
"I don't understand! You're the healthiest person I know! They can't do this! They can't fucking do this!"
"Rosa, now don't you start that with me! You are young. You are beautiful, and you are strong! You knew this day was coming, baby. It was just a bit sooner."
"Just a bit sooner? Mama, it's way too soon! I can't take this! I-I-I'm coming home!"
"Rosa, you can't just leave your life!"
"Mommy, no matter what you say, I'm coming home. I have to see you!"
Two hours later, and after a long discussion about Rosa's mind not changing, she finally convinced her mom to stop being so stubborn and let her come home. Rosalee looked around her humble apartment. Castle Apartments had brought the best and worst for her, but now it was time to go home. Rosa grabbed everything she could fit in her weekender bag, not caring if it matched or was fashionable, and grabbed her keys. She headed out to the parking lot and got into the car she hadn't used the whole time she moved into Castle Apartments. The town was so small, so there really was no need. When she started the car and saw that the tank was still full, Rosa pulled out of the parking space, and drove out of town.
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Rosalee stood there beside the hospital bed holding her mother's hand. Her condition was so horrible it was scary, her face was so pale, you could see her bones, she could barely lift a finger…and she was in pain. Rosa's mother did a great job of hiding it, but Rosa knew her. Her mother was suffering, and she didn't deserve this. She didn't deserve getting cancer. She was a great woman; hyper and smart and funny and sweet. As Rosa thought of her mother's strength, her eyes opened.
"Rosa! I'm so glad you're here."
"Hey, Mommy."
"How are you doing, my baby?"
"Mom, you shouldn't be worried about me."
"Oh, sweetie. I'm alright."
Tears started forming again as Rosa realized the facade her mom was putting on.
"Rosa, what are you staring at?" she said weakly, snapping Rosa out of her reverie. Rosa looked down at her and smiled a little. Her mother was so fragile, it broke Rosa's heart.
"Nothing Mommy. Just thinking."
"'Bout what?"
"How strong you are, Mommy. You can't let yourself pretend to be something. I know you don't like to be considered weak, but you have to let me know how you really feel."
"Hey sweetie," she started, "I'm not pretending. I just don't want you fussing over me. You have your whole life ahead of you. Your life can't be wrapped around me."
As soon as she finished speaking, she winced.
"Hey, Mama. Are you okay? How are you feeling?"
"Great," she lied. Rosalee could see right through her now. She was in pain, but of course, she hated putting Rosa down.
"Be honest, Mama. Tell me what hurts."
Rosa's mother looked down.
"Everything," she explained, while gasping for air. Rosa grabbed the breathing mask from beside her and placed it on her mother's face. She turned the machine on to stabilize her breathing.
Nurses came in to check up on her. Their faces went pale.
"Her heart's giving out," one nurse said. Rosalee looked up at her. Her mother's eyes fluttered open and closed.
"No. No, not yet. Please tell me this isn't it! I-I just got here! You said three months!" Rosa looked back down at her mother who was losing and regaining consciousness.
"Ma'am, that was just a hypothesis. Pancreatic cancer is tricky. We never know what might happen!"
"No, this isn't happening. Not yet. Please!" Rosalee screamed at the nurse, but there was no use. Throughout the commotion, Rosa tried to get her mother's attention. She had a few more things to say to her. "Mommy? Mommy, can you hear me?" she whispered as the nurses frantically called for more help.
Her eyes opened weakly, but Rosa could tell she already couldn't speak.
"I love you, and I'm going to miss you, so much. I hate that this is goodbye, but I much rather you not be in pain anymore than to suffer through this another minute. Just don't fight. I know you're in pain, and I know you want to be here for me, but you can't be strong for me anymore. You're the bravest person I know, Mommy. And I love you for that. It's going to be hard, but I know that this was hard for you. I'm sorry I couldn't be the best daughter, but you were truly the best mother." Rosa kissed her mother's forehead as she gently hugged her. Rosa's mother's lips lifted slightly at the corners before she closed her eyes slowly. The monitor gradually slowed its beeping until it was a steady hum. Suddenly, the room was still. The nurses looked around, helpless and curious as to what Rosalee would do next. Rosa looked at the nurses, tears falling quickly down her face, and just sat down. She pulled her knees up to her chest as she rocked back and forth. One of the nurses came towards Rosa to comfort her, but Rosa just told them all to go. The nurse that tried to comfort Rosa pulled the sheet over Rosa's mother as she and the other nurses left. The day ended with silence.
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